As some of you know, I helped out at College Station Chinese Church’s VBS (Vacation Bible School) this summer. It was a life changing experience, which called me to write this testimony. In the past VBS’s I helped at, God has always used those opportunities to prepare me to take another step toward Him. But this year, it was a huge leap.
About mid June, I was driving home, and I drove past a church with a VBS sign outside. Then I thought may be I should ask my current church (AABC) whether they’ll have one this year I could help with. As I was thinking this, a strange presence came on me telling me to go to College Station instead. I felt like there was a strong need for me to be there, but on the other hand, I had just moved home from spending a year in Houston taking care of my mom, and it would be hard to be away from my husband and dogs right away. But I knew that I needed to listen to God, after all, that’s what they teach you at church, right? And this was not coincidence, because coincidence doesn’t feel like this!
So, when I got home, I called Carol Mama, the one who organizes VBS there every year. It turned out that she was out of the country until beginning of July, and VBS was usually held at the end of July. That means we wouldn’t have enough time to prepare and register the kids etc, let alone finding enough people to help since many people have already made plans for their summer. But for some strange reason, I still felt like VBS was going to happen no matter what, because I was 100% certain that God had called me to go do this, and He would make VBS happen even when situation presents differently. When Carol Mama came back, she found out that I was very interested in helping, and began preparing for it immediately. Throughout the planning phase, we encountered problems, we experienced hardships, and felt like some things were just not possible… but it all came through. Really did. VBS 2008 had been indescribable! We all put our hearts and soul into it and God was really exalted and lifted high every single day of that week! God touched not only the kids that were there, but the all the people that helped as well!
And this was when my epiphany occurred. Just as I had thought things couldn’t get any better, my brother Jonathan, a non-believer who helped with VBS for the first time in my class, where he heard, for the first time, Bible stories that I taught, came to me after VBS and asked me why is everyone so excited about God and wanted to know more. And it. Shocked. Me. I had never shared my testimony with anybody else before. In fact, I didn’t even have a testimony since I haven’t really experienced a life changing, death overcoming event that caused me to believe in Christ. I remembered trying to come up with a testimony in the past, thinking that if one day someone asked me, what I should tell them. But nothing came.
However!! When my brother asked me about God, words flowed like milk from my keyboard (we were chatting on Facebook). I didn’t even need to think about it, and it just came. And this is what I told him.
Before I moved to College Station, we lived in Austin. My mom would take me to the Buddhist temple and eat with the Asian community. I also volunteered there, trying to be a good kid and impress all the other adults. Then we moved to College Station, where I met Naoko Wada, my best friend and my mentor. She was (and still is) 4 years ahead of me, and looked after me like a little sister (exactly what I needed, being a new kid in the only high school in a little town, College Station; it was hard to make friends). Throughout that whole time, she brought me to bible studies with her band friends, where I was exposed to God for the first time (other than the Catholic school for first grade, but I don’t remember anything except the nuns there).
And, like my brother is, I was curious about who this “God” person was that made everybody so… excited that they sing and praise His name, read His words, and talk hours and hours about Him! Some people witnessed to me, some taught me, and I just followed along without understanding much. I just wanted to make friends.
Mid freshman year of high school, I started going to College Station Chinese Church since many of my friends went there. It was after Chinese school and it was convenient to go with them. I joined youth group, met on Fridays to hang out, and Sundays for the sermons and Bible studies. And this went on and on throughout college. Nothing spectacular really, just learned about God and Jesus during Bible studies. Never really felt God’s presence, and really didn’t know Who I had been talking to every time I prayed (seemed like talking to air). I did it anyway. But everything just seemed so foreign. I didn’t really understand them, and didn’t really feel them inside. I didn’t understand the motivation for missions trips, or even, feel the passion for Christ. I just went along and did whatever everybody else did, read the Bible, sang the songs, got baptized.
But this summer, it was life changing… because I felt the Calling. Now I know why I sing for joy, why I lift up my hands to the heavens, why I cry at communions, why I love.
So I told my brother this: You see our parents (who are non-believers)? They enjoy things like drinking and hanging out with their friends, smoking, mahjong etc… Dad goes to work every day, comes home, cooks, drinks, hangs out with friends, and then goes to sleep. And the next day, it’s the same. And the same the next. For dad, everything is ok with him as long as it didn’t cost money. For mom, she was the same way until she got sick. Now, she lost most of the things she enjoyed, like smoking, mahjong, and even driving (due to the changes in her brain from chemotherapy). The only thing she can do now is watch TV all day, and may be prepare some dishes if her health allows.
But their life is so… empty! I mean, what is there to live for? Money? What if you lost them all one day? Kids? Dad’s learned it the hard way: kids grow up and leave. Alcohol? Cigarettes? Mahjong? Mom’s lost her ability to enjoy them all (due to cancer). Then why live? Because you have to? No, no. I refuse to live this way. I refuse to live just doing things… trivial things… so that they can be taken away, or perish, or until I lost interest!
But Jesus!! He is never changing! Jesus gives me meaning in my life. He makes me feel needed, wanted, loved even when the world doesn’t. He takes care of me when the world doesn’t. He calls me to do things greater than myself. He constantly teaches me (in the most unexpected way, like VBS, or living in a hospital) and makes me a better person, better wife, and a better mother.
Because of God, I have no worries, because I KNOW Jesus carries my burdens. Even though I wasn’t there when He healed the sick, but He was there to make VBS not just happen, but SHINE exuberantly! All our worries about not having enough time to prepare, or not having enough helpers were all just unnecessary fluff! God has already taken care of everything before we even started, when He decided that VBS at CSCC will happen. He provided for us the whole time!
Because of God, I can live a full and meaningful life. I know that God is Good and Truth, and because of Him, I can stand on solid ground. Never would I be unsure of the right thing to do, or give in to peer pressure. It feels good to know where I stand, and not be afraid to stand up to wrongdoings, and not having to conform to what everybody else wants and believes, because God has given me His law to follow, and it’s as clear as black and white. When I follow it, I know I'm doing the right things.
And because of God, I understand love (at least, the imperfect version of it). Not like the society’s view of love in forms of gifts, words, passion, phone calls, etc, but in forms of giving and forgiving and self-sacrificing, like Jesus did. It’s about bearing the Cross. And because I know it's my Cross to bear, I bear it with honor when people do me wrong, falsely accuse me, or intentionally hurt me. Rather than feeling angry and get into fights (which always end up with more people hurt) I can forgive them and let go of my grudge. I bear this Cross knowing that it makes me a better person. No more do those feelings control me. I feel free!
It’s funny how non-believers feel like becoming a Christian would limit themselves to so much of their life; the irony is, it actually frees you from all the expectations you have to live up to, all the people you have to please, all the things you can’t get yourself out of like guilt, anger, weakness, depression, low self-esteem, pride, etc. But because of God, I don’t have to be a slave of these feelings and let them take over my actions knowing that Jesus bore so much more than I did. I can now say that I have pure joy ringing in my heart for God!
Now that I look back at my Christian journey, I see that I’ve gone a long ways without knowing it until now. Like a long dark cave, at first it was all dark and I followed the tiny spec of light curious to see what it is and where it leads. Now, the light is clear to me that it’s an exit to freedom, to God. I look before me, there are my pastors, my church friends, and my mentors who’s guided me so far. And behind me, there are my parents, my siblings, and my non-Christian friends, and lots of people I don’t know. Some are content where they are, some are going down the wrong tunnels, and some are just looking around and staying where they are. I feel sorry for them.
I pray that this testimony will motivate you to take another step toward God, whether you understand it or not. It’s a feeling that you won’t know until you’ve experienced it. Like giving birth to a child, it’s a feeling that no matter how you describe it, people who haven’t experienced it won’t understand. So open yourselves up and let God touch you. Because I did, I feel like a new person with a new life. All the past dirtiness has been washed away. The world looks completely different now. I hope you can experience this too. This is my prayer for you.
Wow, another year has passed since I've posted my last VBS summer. I guess with facebook, blogs are getting old...
