Problems

Allen and I have these problems and we can't seem to solve it:

1. Financial. It all starts when Allen wants to get this $1600 laptop. I made a fuss about it, I mean com'on, $1600 is a lot of money! Besides, he already has a laptop that's working fine. And then I ordered a dessert. Allen made a fuss about that, ooo spending money on dessert... nooo!! I feel like he can spend money on anything he wants, but when I spend money, he gets all upset!

2. The house. Our house has been under construction for a year. It's all torn up. We've spent the whole time using the bathroom w/o a wall! and lights! The backyard is a mess, and so is the 1/2 way done garage conversion (it's now piled up w/ Allen's junk). Allen always says he'll do it when he has time, but it seems like he never has time for anything.

3. Cleaning. When I came home this week (and last time) the house looks like it's gone through hurricane. I mean it's FILTHY!!! But I got to cleaning it right away, and it would take me a week to clean the whole house! But then Allen continues to mess it up, leaving dirty clothes/socks everywhere, not flushing the toilet, dirty dishes, etc etc. By the time I finish cleaning the bedroom, the living room is a mess. It seems like he doesn't know how to put things up. Like mail for example, he would just leave them anywhere he was standing, and I asked him where it should go, he says "I don't know." He doesn't know to sort out the junk to throw away and keep the bills in the drawer! I mean it's his own house for Christ sake! It's like if he leaves something on the table, it would magically put itself in where it belongs! (of course that's me doing the work behind him!) I talked to him about it. I know he's "busy" and doesn't "have time" to clean up, so I made him a deal, I'll do the cleaning, but he needs to maintain, since he's messing up faster than I can clean! All he needs to do is put his shoes up where it belongs after work, put dirty clothes/socks in the laundry basket after he takes them off, flush the toilet after he pees, put the dishes in the sink and soak them after he eats. And I'll do the rest. I mean he's not even spending time to clean up, just naturally putting things where they belong after he's done w/ them. But he says he's already doing his best and can't do any better about it. Then what am I suppose to do??? It's sooooooo frustrating!!! I tried to negotiate w/ him, finding a compromise, but it's his way or no way!! He even said he doesn't "have time" to remember to do any of that! How can someone not have time to "remember" to do things? If he tries harder, he can remember. When he leaves things around, it makes me feel that I need to clean up after him. I really don't like doing that. He said if he were to put everything up, then there'll be nothing for me to clean. That really pisses me off.

4. Time. Allen always says "I'll do it when I have time." The fact is that he never has time for ANYTHING! He keeps saying that the house will be done in no time, but it's been a year! He says he has no time to clean up! He says he works too much and he has school. Well, for me, I was working 3 part time jobs, taking 4 grad classes (3 being full time student) and doing all the cleaning/cooking in the house! How did I manage? Well, I tell myself that I have to do them because they are my responsibilities. If he really doesn't have time to clean up after himself or fix up the house, then he's working more than he can handle!! But he even has time to volunteer???!?!??? WTF! What about the house? The time he spends volunteering, he can be fixing up the house!? Okay, so he doesn't want to fix the house, then hire someone to! But he doesn't want to spend the money to do that! So the house has been sitting like that for a year!

AND I just found out that he has no vacation in his new job. That means we won't be going on a vacation this year. It makes me wonder what's more important to him, family or work? or... himself?

5. Compromise/Arguing. Allen and I argue a lot. Mostly for the things above. Hey, you'd think we'd solve it by now, but no. Because Allen never sees mistake in himself. Whenever I bring up a problem, very careful not to sound like I'm blaming him (because I'm not, just trying to solve a problem) his first (and only) reaction is to defend himself by coming up w/ excuses for everything. Like about the cleaning, I tried to compromise by saying that I'll work and go to school less so I can spend more time cleaning, but I need him to try to maintain because I don't want end up a full time maid! But no compromise on his end. He still stick w/ his reasoning that he doesnt' have time to even remember to flush the toilet, how can i expect him to maintain cleanliness. I think it all comes down to him not WANTING to clean, so he gives a bunch of excuses, not even TRYING to compromise.
And while we argue, he gets so busy defending himself, he doesn't consider what I tell him. Anything I say, the first thing he does is to throw it back at him w/ an arguement, no matter I'm right or wrong. No time to remember to flush the toilet?? How ridiculous is that?!?!?!

How can I live w/ a man like that????????

I've only been back for a week and I already feel a huge balloon blowing up in my chest. I can't sleep at night and my neck and shoulders are so tense! I'm grinding my teeth so much that they hurt! What should I do? I think when I move back in Jan. we need to see a counselor twice a week. It's an emergency now.