Update on Cancer

Time to vent again... phew.

Last week my mom said her legs were numb and her hips were hurting, so we went back into the hospital to get a spinal tap. It turned out that the cancer has gotten into her spinal fluid, which is very serious. The immediately scheduled chemo to inject directly into her spinal fluid from her brain. To do this, they had to put her into surgery, install a small tube that goes thru her skull into her brain, and they'd inject chemo twice a week.

The surgery took about 2 hours. After that, she started this fever that's just not going away. And also she's been having a lot of pain on her hips that the doc has to give her morphine around the clock. And it frustrates me a lot because there's nothing I can do. I want to cook for her, but she won't let me do so, and when I do, she tells me that my cooking sucks. I want to help her get out of bed to walk around and take a shower, she won't let me do so either. So all I do is sit next to her and she has to yell at me for sitting all day long. So now I'm at the computer lab avoiding her but then I feel bad leaving her by herself. But she just gets angry at everything I do and this is the only way to keep myself sane and not yelling back at her. Ugh, it's so hard!

So she's not eating, not getting out of bed, and all the people bothering her she's not getting much sleep either. Some of the nurses are so loud when they come into the room, and they'd come in every hour or two, even throughout the night, and they'd even turn on all the lights and do their jobs clumsily, they don't care that whatever they do is bothering the patients. Some are even too lazy, they'd leave half the jobs undone (like emptying out the potty). I guess they really hate their jobs. A few nurses are better, they'd bring a flash light and they'd do their jobs as quiet as they can.

And there's the family. They keep calling my mom and they keep telling her they want to come visit. They're just so selfish! They want to call her and come see her so that they feel better about themselves that they're not ignoring their family. but they don't understand that their constant calling and visiting is keeping my mom awake and she's not getting much sleep. And when I tell them to stop calling so much, they get mad at me, I guess because I'm not letting them feel better about themselves. And then keep calling. They only care about how they feel and they gotta show it instead of thinking how much rest my mom needs without their constant badgering. What selfish jerks they are.

I had to vent. My mom's been yelling at me all day long... every day, for everything I do. I have no place to release the anger. Phew I feel better now.